A simple typo of ‘north’ instead of ‘south’ in the directions set me up to be late to a meeting.
As a stickler for punctuality, I could feel my heart begin to pound while my mind raced thinking of how to explain my tardiness.
Enter Spiral Impact.
The tension in my gut was a clear signal for me to breathe and center. As I did, it allowed me to relax enough to be capable of seeing both the error and solution easily. My initial anxiety had caused a temporary ‘blindness’. Does that ever happen to you?
Turned out, I wasn’t late. Breathing and centering saved the day.
However, when I reflect on the experience, what I find most interesting is what I would have said to defend why I was late..when I was in fear…before I centered. Had I shared that with my client it could have been detrimental to the relationship as it was about his directions
As I continue to discipline the words I speak, I find this question extremely helpful to ask myself prior to speaking or writing:
What is it like to be on the receiving end of my communication?
Consider:
- What is the intention of your communication?
- If someone can’t change something, there is no need to comment, i.e., a person’s height, age, state of relationship
- How will the person feel after you’ve spoken?
- Do your words honor yourself and others?
- Are you clear, or are you thinking out loud? What does your listener leave understanding?
- Does your message add value or make a difference?
What other considerations can you add?
Warm regards,
Karen
i run these rules thru my head: is it true? is it kind? does it NEED to be said?
I have been teaching people to apply aikido principals to their work for a few years now. I do it to the students in my school to capture their attention to the technique by bringing it into their work mind.
Keep up the good work Karen, live long and prosper.
Michael, Thanks so much for your note! When I teach aikido, I ask students what their ‘why?’ is for practice. I find many haven’t thought of the bridge between the mat and work, or even personal relationships. I began that way! It has keep me engaged for 2 decades plus. You keep up the good work as well!
Ramona, I love these questions! Thank you for sharing. That first one ‘Is it true?’ is particularly compelling when responding to issues or things we hear!
Karen, when there is an error like you describe with the north/south,, am in a quandary as to whether to point it out to someone so they don’t make the mistake again with others…or refrain from making them wrong and not say a word. I DO appreciate it when I make a mistake like that. If It’s an innocent mistake, I would not want others to be confused because of something I erroneously instructed. Can you say more about this? I think YOU have the skill to always find a way to tell people truth without offending them…so why did you not say something??
I didn’t say anything, because at that point it didn’t matter. And, the way the directions were provided it was clearly a one time topo. He had also included some landmarks in the directions which I chose to ignore. Had it been in a map that was being distributed I would’ve said something.
I find the intent behind it speaks loudly. In the case of directions, I think saying something, “I found the directions a little confusing, I believe there may be an topo there.”
Regarding other errors that you notice people making, I’d just ask the person if they’d like feedback. Most often, he or she will say ‘yes’. Then you give it! And, they will usually appreciate it.
I have people correct me a fair amount, unsolicted. I appreciate it, although sometimes it seems a little invasive depending on what it is and how it is delivered.
Always beginning with a question is a way to create a welcome opening!