His opinion was as blunt as suggesting I get a new nose. It wasn’t helpful or realistic. Had he been talking to someone else, he might have gotten a punch in the nose, or worse!
Getting your opinion heard is easy;
getting it considered valuable is different.
Recall a time when you felt sure your opinion could really help another person, what did you do? I’ve learned a few things, and they all, of course, encompass the principles of Spiral Impact.
Some helpful tips to consider:
- Have you first learned her/his views about the subject?
- Do you know if she/he wants your opinion?
- What are you trying to accomplish by voicing your opinion?
In my case, if he had asked me how I saw the subject or what my experience of it was, he would have learned that his opinion about it was irrelevant.
It all gets back to the key concept of “turn your statements into questions, acknowledgements or both” because unwelcome statements create a defense.
Some of my favorite questions before I give my opinion are:
- What is really important to you regarding ____?
- How is ___ working for you now?
- Have you tried _____?
Then, would you like some input?
Next time you want to share your opinion, think it through before you put your nose in!
Warm regards,
Karen
PS I like my nose!
You have a very pretty nose !!
This article is WONDERFUL – a big “thank you” shoutout to Karen.
In the 7Habits I reflect a lot about Habit #5 – Seek First To Understand, Then to Be Understood (
•Empathic Communication) – actually comes from St. Francis of Assisi’s prayer !!
Bravo, Karen !!
Bill Campbell
“My definition of leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they are inspired to see it in themselves” – Dr. Stephen Covey
“Leadership is a choice not a position” – Dr. Stephen Covey
Thanks Karen. I am really drawn to this particular tidbit. Thanks for sharing. I just love your inspirational check ins!
Thanks Matt! Good to hear from you! It is a good reminder for me too!
“If you really want to help somebody, first of all you must find him where he is and start there. This is the secret of caring….” (Sören Kierkegaard, 1849,
Thank you Karen. This is so true! I have a friend who I am sure is trying to be helpful, but her suggestions (uninvited) make me even more stressed. I will keep your points in mind if I ever feel the need to make suggestions to someone else.
Kelly, I think next months ahh yes will be how to respond to those suggestions in a way that doesn’t stress us out more!
I learned I must practice the questions before I enter the spiral of conversation. Not to go in wanting my Ego to win. Rather wanting the best to prevail.
thanks